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Sunday, September 11, 2011

On the Virtues of Marrying, and Stayin' with, your Older Woman, and the Dangers of goin' with that Younger Tiger Woman you're Fantasyin' 'bout, Dude

Many men think at times of turning in the old model and getting a younger "Trophy Wife."  While this usually results in a state of greater happiness for a few months, a few years perhaps, most relationships eventually settle into a less ecstatic, but potentially more fulfilling, pattern, regardless of the age difference between the spouses.

As you can tell from my date of birth, January 22, 1950, I am now 61 years old. When I was a Wesleyan undergraduate in the late '60s, the saying went, "You can't trust anyone over 30."  By that principle, I am now more than twice as trustworthy as I was when I was 18, when I met my wife, Susie.  Given my former career of trial lawyer, with the emphasis on "lawyer," that suspicion, reasonable caution, really, is not without merit, although the truth is, I am now living life with truth, honesty, and integrity.  When I think of truth, honesty, and integrity, I cannot help begin to have warm thoughts about my wife of 40 years, and two years before that living together, Susie.  Any of you who know Susie will know what I'm talkin' about.

Susie was born in 1949, which makes her a decade older than I.  I don't mean ten years older, but just, born in an earlier decade.  And that, my friends, is why Susie and I have an excellent marriage.  Now when I say "excellent," I'm only talking about my experience of our relationship, and particularly within the past year.  Before then, I sometimes wondered if I'd be happier with a "newer" model.  Trust me when I say I was, sadly, and almost tragically, mistaken.  Plain wrong.  Almost Dead Wrong.  Allow me to explain.

Many men of a certain age (as the French say, "d'un certain age") think they're prospects for a happy and satisfying life would increase if they were with a younger woman than their age-appropriate wife.  Those men think, what the hey, I'm entitled.  I'm a good lookin' guy (now really, have most of us Mongrel Men ever looked in the mirror at the moment we're making that usually inflated claim?), I've got a good job, I work hard for the money.  "Wonder what that lean young woman would be like to have on my arm when I go to parties, or how she'd be in bed?"

Now the problem in this little scenario and fantasy is this.  Sometimes, albeit rarely, one of those younger women just gets a mind to kill her older mate.  What some of "The Tempted" (i.e. the men out there thinkin' these thoughts that they might be better off dumpin' the old model and trading up for A Younger Woman) don't do is Read the Friggin' Paper.

My older wife, Susie, had an even older mother, Maribeth.  Now Maribeth is a very well-preserved woman.  She's got dark hair and the same beautiful sky-blue eyes as she passed on to that older wife of mine.  And Maribeth gave Susie and me Kindles for Christmas last year.  Every day now, I read parts of The New York Times on the Kindle, and we no longer have to recycle all that wasted newsprint on Thursday nights, when I put the trash and recycle bins out at the curb for Friday pickup.

This morning, I was just about to hit the "Home" button on the Kindle, which returns you to the Home Page, from which you can press the "Menu" button and download the latest issue of the newspaper.  But I looked at one last article from yesterday's Times.  The title was "Texax: Tiger Kills Her Mate."  The link to the article which can be seen on the paper website, is  And boy, am I GLAD I read that article, and you should too, if you're thinking of dissin' your mate, the one you had the slew of children with, and pickin' out The Latest Model.

According to the article, it is very rare for one tiger to kill another, "especially a female killing a male."  BUT, it does and has happened.  Recenly.  Just this past Thursday, at the El Paso Zoo in Texax.  Zoo officials were taken by surprise because the 6-year-old male and his 3-year-old female playmate had been playing together, all lovey-dovey like, just hours before the attack.  And these two lovers, the Older Dude and his Young Playmate, had only been together two-and-a-half months.  That's the Infatuation Period, when you'd think that the sexual chemistry between the two lovers would be the strongest and most satisfying.  Again, another cautionary note for you older guys to mull over (not "maul" over, if you know what I mean).

So Seri (the hot young tigress) chomped down on the side of the old dude, Wzui's neck and choked him.  To death. Just like that. Now who knows, maybe it was the Alpha Tiger's name, which was a little weird: Wzui.  What does that name mean?  Maybe Seri was just havin' a hard time saying his name.  Wzui.  Is that a little like sneezing? (Ka-choo'ee)  Did Seri infer from the name that Wzui was full of hooey?  That he was a bit Schizo or Schizui?

Whatever the reason, the fact remains.  Poor old Wzui got involved with a Younger Woman, a real Tigress Baby, a Hot Young Chick-a-dee.  And look what happened.  Bitten in the neck.  Choked to death.

My wife, my Older Woman, has never, and I mean never, bitten me in the neck.  She certainly hasn't choked me.  Not even choked me Far from Death.  Not that she hasn't had good cause to do any one or more of those things.  'nuff said?

So, a Word to the Wise.  Stick to your wife, don't change your life,  don't go lookin' for no Younga' Woman. Dance all you want with the Young-ins at the Mezzo, the Presidio.  But don't go lookin' at work, at church, or the grocery store for one of those Younger Women, those Tiger Broads, the ones with the great Teeth (if you know what I'm sayin'), the way cool Sass (-y way a' talkin').  Stick with your loyal, hot, and wild Older Woman....

                ........if you're Smart, and not a Smart A--, if you know what I'm sayin'.............

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