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Sunday, August 7, 2011

Brief Susie Update and, the topic of the day: On the dangers to marriages of the work-place, after-church fellowship gatherings, and grocery stores, and the relative safety of discos

Susie's still pretty much in a holding pattern, although in a lot more pain, pending her neck fusion surgery next Friday, August 13, 2011.  I suspect she'll want to tell you that update in her own words in the coming hours or days.

Now, On the dangers to marriages of the work-place, after-church fellowship gatherings, and grocery stores, and the relative safety of discos......(see, infra.)

I'll bet if we took a poll, most of my readers would say that I'm at risk of meeting a young woman in the disco and running away with her and that my marriage would be less imperiled if I went back to The White Church, either First or South UCC churches and just hung around "women my own age."

Well let me suggest to you why the results of THAT poll might just be, well, Plain Wrong.

                                                         Part I

The short version of this blog is this (then we'll get to the longer version later).  When a man of 61-years dances from 10 p.m. to 1 a.m., say last night, for instance, there are a few young ladies on the Mezzo Grill disco dance floor who deign to dance with 'em, at least for a minute or two, or, in the case of the less uptight Party Girl, several minutes at a time, even "dirty-dancing" style.  But it's quite clear, if you pay careful attention, that none of them want to take the 61-year-old-enough-to-be-her-father, even grandfather (had Susie and I started reproducin' at 19 rather than 26), home with 'em.  It's just that early in the evening, say between 10:30 p.m. and midnight, the young men, white men, black men, mostly are so into themselves, or just too inhibited, or wanna make sure they "look good, not foolish", so they hang around drinkin' their Buds, and hangin' wit' their buds, rather than dancin' like a fool wit' all them youngun's.  And of course, they look at me, dancin' like a fool out there on the disco floor, all uninhibited and all, and eventually come up to me and maybe get me in-between two of them and put their arms around me and have there girlfriends take pictures of us, the two young, real fit, dudes, and The Old Dude.  Or the young guy next to the pool table, who's takin' movies of me on his I-phone [which at some point I'll have to ask one of these people to e-mail me the video so I can post it on Bob's Blog], The Old Dude, dancin' like a fool by himself, or with the girls who let 'im know they can't find anybody else who wants to dance with 'em, cause the younger guys are mostly just standin' around, drinkin' their Buds, hangin' with their buds, and too afraid to risk lookin' foolish or just feelin' uncomfortable out there on the disco floor by his-self or waitin' for a woman to dance wit' him.

So, after 2 1/2 hours on the disco floor, at the Mezzo Grill's upstairs disco, from 10:30 p.m. to 1 a.m. EST, no cover, no drink, no water, no bathroom break, just Dancin', I begin walkin' outta' the place and, as I do, the young woman always with the beer in her hand, the one who dirty dances with me from time-to-time, smiles at me, puts her hand up to high-five me as I'm leavin', and, after I go down the stairs to the main bar and restaurant which, even at 1 a.m. EST is still packed with young people and spillin' out into Court Street, i.e. for those who smoke and don't want to smoke on the back, outside, balcony, just outside the as I was sayin', as I'm leaving the Mezzo for the last time, last night, at 1 a.m. EST, this young guy says to me, as I pass 'im on my way to the main door, "You killed 'em up there, man!"  And, with appreciation, I waved a little wave to him, smiled and nodded my hairy old head, and walked out into the rainy night, back to Susie's Prius, which I'd parked earlier that evening outside Forbidden City on Main Street.

So, in conclusion of this first part of The Rebuttal to The Poll Results, I suggest to you that there's actually little danger that a 61-year-old man, dressed in thrift store "Island Fever: Havana Nights: Cigaks Iu Cigares", light aqua marine with white and pale olive squares around the logo, shirt (only $3.99 last week at the Goodwill Thrift Shop on Route 66, right next to CT Beveridge Mart), standard-issue "old-man style" blue shorts, no socks, and gray Teva sandals, black-painted steel glasses, and a $29.95 plastic Casio Illuminator digital/analog watch (mail order; battery lasts 5 years, or more, based on experience; also great for surfing, surf kayaking, sea kayaking, ocean swimming, pool swimming, and numerous other activities)...... .   As I was saying, before I lost myself in the clothing and accessory descriptions, I suggest, despite The Poll Results, that I'm less likely to get "hit on," or shown any interest by, an under-30-year-old woman at the disco.  Such women just don't wanna be seen showing any of THAT kind of interest in an obviously older dude, comme moi, especially one who has longish hair, and growing more unruly daily, albeit a dark and full head of hair, but who also wears a gray beard (length maintained by periodic shaving with a Norelco beard trimmer, using position 4 on the trimmer attachment; $19.95 at the Newport CVS on Bellevue, just up the street from the mansions, plus $5 off coupon which my wife of 40 years plus the 2 years before that we dated and lived together).... .  So as I was saying, there's actually little risk of a guy like me gettin' "hit on" or "picked up" by the young disco women, and there's zero interest on my part in being picked up by one of them, let alone anyone else, and taken home.  I ask you, "I've already got a woman I love, the most beautiful girl I ever saw when I met her when she was 19 and I a mere 18, on October 24, 1968, waiting for me at home, in bed, hopefully asleep despite her excruciating and continuing pain from her bicycle accident, so why would I even want another woman than the beautiful, albeit in pain right now, one I have?"

Now, turning to more serious threats to all of your marriages, you married women, or women-in-a-relationship-what-looks-like-it-might-get-serious-someday:

                                                           Part 2
The Work-Place

How many paid, "adoring" (or at least pretending to be so, to keep her job), very-good-looking, well-dressed, well-coiffed, educated, submissive (or at least pretending to be so, to get a raise), laughs-at-all-his jokes (or at least "laughs" when he tells another of his stupid "funny" stories or an-ec-dotes), does your Man surround himself with at The Work-Place, 5 days-a-week, maybe even on weekends, and maybe, if you're really thinkin' of somebody whose marriage you wanna worry about, other than mine, on Business or Academic Trips Away from The Missus and The Children?  And furthermore, does Your Man, tell you what he's really thinkin' and doin' in all those places, surrounded by all those attractive women, young and older?  Does he write about his thoughts and his actions on anything resembling Bob's Blog?  Does he dissemble to ya', rather than putting honest letters in words on pages in blogs, or just in conversations with ya' when he comes home to momma?  Does Your Man subscribe to the Honest Theory of Male-Female Relationships, i.e. does he actually TELL you what he's been up to, what he's been thinkin'.

OR, and this is important, so listen to Uncle Bob now:

                                                          Part 3

Does Your Man subscribe to what one (allegedly and reputedly) "Wise" Man once told me 'bout what to tell a wife?  And that is, The CIA System of Male Dissimulation to The Significant Female or Females In His Life,  i(d).e(st) [with the emphasis on the Id, the It, as Dr. Freud called it].... as I was saying, i.e. "Don't tell her anything you're doing which is bad for the relationship.  The purpose of life is to be Whole, not Good, so only tell her the good stuff you're doing, or want her to believe you're doing, and lie about the rest.  The truth hurts relationships, is destructive to relationships.  What she doesn't know won't hurt her, or the kids."  Personally, I tried that route once and it's a dead-end path and a great way to ruin an otherwise challenging, but emotionally intimate, marriage.  The truth sometimes hurts, but it is, in marriage, the best policy.  Just my experience and my opinion.  Listen to the "Wise" Man if you want.

Okay now, ladies and gentleman, is that 'nuff said on the Bob's blog "Topic of the Day"?  Need I really go into detail 'bout the equal dangers to the marriage, or just to the relationship, from the temptations of not just The Workplace [where your Man may actually buy that bit 'bout him bein' The Master of the Universe--see, Wolfe, Tom, "The Bonfire of the Vanities," the character of Sherman McCoy], but also after-church fellowship gatherings, and, even, grocery stores.  Have you ever noticed the little attended-to fact that all women, old, young, pretty, not-so-pretty-by-current-cultural-standards-of-beauty, sexy, plain, well-dressed, poorly-turned-out, hot, cold.....That ALL women, sooner or later, no matter how emaciated they may be, need to go to the grocery store to re-supply themselves with staples and goodies.

                                                      In Conclusion

So, in conclusion: Your Man is actually more in danger of meeting an attractive (to him) female, who's in turn attracted to him, at The Work-Place, the After-Church-Fellowship Hall coffee hour, or, perhaps counter-intuitively-enough, at The Grocery Store, than I am in meeting a woman who wants to have anything to do with me, really, than maybe dance with me for a few minutes, if that, on the dance floor of the amazing disco at Mezzo Grill in little ole' Middletown, Coh-neck-tih-kit.

Praise God from whom all blessings flow.

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