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Thursday, March 29, 2012

To All the Doubters about my Sanity, Legal Ability, and Creativity: Further Developments and Revelations in the Klearly Kurious Kase (KKK) of Robert P. Dutcher vs. Laz-y Ass Parking, Ltd. and West Hartford Auto Center

While I have not yet sued Laz-y Ass Parking, Ltd. and West Hartford Auto Center, my letter to them outlining why they illegally and tortiously towed my car has already gotten Laz-y Ass to change its behavior and put up new, somewhat clearer signs at both parking lots I've written about on my blog.  Here's what my continuing investigation of this crime and tort against me has uncovered.

Last night, after a wonderful night of dancing at The Russian Lady in Hartford I stopped by the Scene of the Crime against me by my assailants, Laz-y Ass Parking, Ltd. and West Hartford Auto Center.  This is the small parking lot at the northeast corner of Ann Uccello and Church Streets in Hartford.  My purpose was to photograph the signage for evidence in my upcoming small claims or class action suit against the criminal defendants.  I call their towing of my car a crime because it was.  They wrongfully towed my car away, permanently to withold it from me unless I gave in to their extortion, namely, their demand that I pay $113 in cash to get it back.  

Anyway, to my surprise, there is now new signage in addition to the old signage.  My threat to sue the criminals has begun to pay off in a change in their behavior.  Here's what I found and what I photographed.

First, the old signs.  Here are the signs which are permanently affixed to the south side of the unattended parking lot attendant's booth.

The large standing frame with the $10 Event Parking Fee sign, which was there the night of the crime against me, has been replaced with the following signs.

The first photograph faces west towards Ann Uccello Street and can be seen clearly by anyone entering the lot from the curb cut due west of the attendant's booth.  

There is now a smaller sign, with identical lettering, nailed to a telephone pole west of the attendant's booth, which can also be seen, but not easily read, by anyone entering the lot from the same curb cut.  Here is a photograph of the smaller sign.

The virtue of these two new signs is this.  They make it much clearer to potential users of the lot that only monthly and daily ticket holders are permitted to park in the lot and all others will be towed.  Had the large sign been there the night my car was towed, I most definitely would NOT have parked my car there.  I then WOULD have realized I was not allowed to park there without risking a tow job.  But the signs were NOT there that night, I didn't see any of the signs, and even if I had seen the signs that were there that night, I would have believed I had a right to park there for $10.  If the larger of the two new signs had been in place the night I got towed, but weren't, here is what I would have seen when I pulled into the lot.

Then I went back to the smaller lot on the north side of Pearl Street, west of Ann Uccello Street and found photographed the signs there.  Here is the sign on the attendant's booth. I mean the one below the window of the booth.  It's just like the one on the attendant's booth at the Church and Ann Uccello lot.

But there is now a new sign, small and hard to read, but most informative, in the lower right hand corner of the window of the attendant's booth.  Here's what it says.

"Monthly Parkers Only."  That sign was not there in the previous times I parked in that lot.  When I parked there that other time, I did not get towed, but somebody put a slip of paper under my driver's side windshield wiper which indicated I owed $8 for parking there that evening.

So, the new signs in the parking lot where I got towed show that somebody at Laz-y Ass Parking Ltd. is not quite so lazy-ass now that I've put them on notice of my legal analysis as they were before they had the temerity to tow my car.  Let's see if they do the right thing, once I write them another letter with the new information, and refund my money.  If not, the next step is to consult with the class action lawyers to see if they're interested in making a really big pain in the ass of themselves with Laz-y Ass Parking Ltd. (the "Ltd." stands for "of limited IQ and EQ").


  1. Dear Laz-y Ass Who's Complacent about Injustice (March 30, 2012 at 1:46 p.m.),
    You see, Laz-y Ass, I DO have a life. A very rich and fulfilling one. And for 36 years of that wonderful life, I was a kind of roving Knight in Shining Armor, rectifying injustice, no matter the size, without fear or favor. And I continue that commitment in my present instantiation.
    Now, you may see the matter of the injustice perpetrated on me by the likes of Laz-y Asses like you, of either the terse variety, such as you, or the towing variety, such as Laz-y Ass Parking Ltd., as not worthy of spending time and effort rectifying, from this Short Lifespan we've been given by God. Butt, unlike you, Laz-y Ass, I know it is worth my time and effort. Think of ALL the thousands and thousands, perhaps millions, of ill-gotten gains Laz-y Ass Parking Ltd. has stolen from unsuspecting parkers at all the parking lots it controls around the nation. Why, my efforts have already forced Laz-y Ass Parking Ltd. to use their limited intelligence to see the light and improve significantly the warning they provide to people who choose, innocently, like myself, to park at night at their unattended parking lots. This alone should be worthy of an award from the American Association of Trial Lawyers of America.
    Anyway, Laz-y Ass, if you're not already employed by Laz-y Ass Parking Ltd., whether because of lack of IQ or EQ or even Justice Q, you should be. You have at least the ability to clean the toilets under the asses of the Laz-y Ass-ers of Laz-y Ass Parking Ltd.
    Hey, son, or Goddess, if you'd like to haul your dumb ass out of the Shadows of Anonymity, behind which your hiding that ugly ass of yours, please give me a call on my cell phone, 860-759-9860, and I'll be glad to inspect your dumb ass with my most intelligent mind. Seriously. I won't even charge you for wiping that dumb looking asshole off your ass when you shit in your pants with terror when we finally meet, my mind and your dumb ass.
    All best,

    The Man Who Does Not Rest Until Justice is Done

  2. I'm sorry... What?

  3. Dear Dumbfounded Anonymous (March 30, 2012 at 7:55 p.m.),

    Your new Comment, "I'm sorry......what?" puzzles me.

    Look, your sarcastic Comment, "Get a life," following my clarification of my ongoing investigation of the injustice done to me when my car was towed implies that I should have "better" things to do with my time than this. If that was not your thought, then what was it? Assuming you did intend to criticize my decision to seek justice for myself, and possibly for thousands of others similarly situated, I decided to launch into you with an explanation, in the form of a criticism of your assumed view, of why I'm doing what I'm doing and why it's an important quest, not a waste of my time.

    If that was not your meaning, then what did you mean by saying, "Get a life," following the story about further developments in the investigation of my claim against Laz-y Parking Ltd. and the towing company?

    All best,

    A Man Requesting Clarification from The Commenter

  4. Hey Bob - I read a lot about what you say, what others say about you. I see your excitement whatever the comments, and I am thinking....something new could be coming for you. When you have finished 'refilling your cup' on this carefree and, more importantly - time free life - (after years of illegal confinement supporting justice, doing the right thing, etc.), you will get bored. You could use your time, legal experience, wit and intellect in a more conventional but powerful way.

    Take off that superman cape! You'd make a hell of a (free) legal advocate for the poor. A Robin Hood of sorts (no stealing, of course). Be well..

  5. Dear Spot-On Anonymous (April 1, 2012 at 11:32 a.m.),

    Yours is a most intelligent and perceptive observation about one possibility for my talents. I already do give free legal advice to a lot of people who have sought me out for that purpose. Although I kid around that my advice is worth what they pay for it (nothing), THEY know it's quite valuable. I LOVED the law but hated the business part of it. What I liked most was the storytelling, absorbing a client's problem and imagining a non-obvious solution. And I still do.

    You have correctly observed from my analysis of the Laz-y Ass Parking problem and my wrongful arrest at the Koji Komedy Klub that I enjoy looking for ways out of what others consider a legal dead-end (the illegal towing of my car and demand for a refund) and having my back up against what others consider a legal brick wall (the KKK arrest). Making money was enjoyable when I needed to support my family but it got old when my kids left home and I'd saved enough not to ever have to work again.

    Using these skills to go to bat for the poor, in a Robin Hood play, is a role which appeals to me, except for the fact that legal work, unlike amateur writing, dancing, and comedy, requires lots of investigation and preparation in the real world. The writing, dancing, and comedy I do only require I investigate the contents of my mind and imagination, except to the extent I need to take photographs to document the problems and use my fingers to type on wifey's ancient Dell Inspiron 700m laptop, my legs on the dance floors, and my mouth and body to communicate my klearly komic kraziness. Robin Hood was head of a kind of law firm of many Merry Men. I might someday be interested in being the brains and muse behind The Hood's Merry Band, but I'd hate to get back into having to go to an office to do so or do anything remotely resembling making bi-weekly payroll. Even a salaried position in a legal aid office involves meetings and the like which would, I am sure, eventually lead me to want to stand on a stool and have Justice Scalia kick it away from under me, as certain Anonymous Commenters have fantasized on this blog.

    As Baudelaire suggested in "Inivrez vous," his poetic ode to being high on life, it's possible to do through wine, or poetry, or virtue. You are suggesting I will get bored with the poetry of life and all its offshoots: dance, comedy, and writing. You may be right. If so, I may be forced to return to a Virtuous Life. Only time will tell. I mostly focus on the here-and-now, so I'll have to leave it to others to serve on my Long-Range Planning Committee, as I dislike such meetings and report-writing intensely.

    I like your brevity, wit, and support. Please write again.

    All best,


  6. Bob- what happened to you last night? We were suppose to meet up at that gay night club. I told you I'm sorry, that other guy meant nothing. Please give me a call. BTW....I woke up this morning with bumps on my ball sac. You really should yourself know, to be safe.

    -Your Stud Hunk of a Dancing Partner

  7. Dear Stud Hunk Anonymous (April 1, 2012 5:43 p.m.),

    April Fool's!


    All best,

    No April Fool

  8. Dear Anonymous Loser (April 2, 2012 8:07 a.m.),

    I agree that you've well and accurately described yourself: a loser.

    Plus, you've go No Balls. You slink around in the Shadows of Anonymity and throw your Impotent Epithets.

    Why don't you Be a Man, boy, and tell me what you want to tell me, face-to-face, mano-a-mano. Call me on my cell phone, 860-759-9860, and we can arrange a meeting. Feel free to bring around any of your boys, to protect yourself from my words, which, I know, like my actions, my life, threaten your manhood, your boyhood really, to the core.

    All best,

    A Man with Real Balls

  9. Replies
    1. Dear Homophobic Anonymous with Serious Internal Conflicts about his own Sexuality (April 2, 2012 at 12:31 p.m.),

      Clearly you are very much afraid of your own homosexual leanings. That's why you project them onto me, a blank screen as it were, in the Freudian sense, rather than face your own homo-demons head on, as a man would.

      You also betray a probably lace of writing ability in that you mostly just grunt single words rather than write anything more telling. Probably you also don't want to reveal any more about yourself to one as psychologically astute as you recognize I am.

      So, in conclusion, I agree with you totally: you probably are a homosexual, at least you have fantasies about men, and me, which leave you feeling as if you are a gay man. And at a very deep level, buried deep within your unconscious, you probably fear that you may be a gay man. Hell, if you need to come out of the closet, by all mean do so. Us heterosexuals won't hold it against you. Not at all. This is 2012. You can even legally marry a man of your choice in this state.

      Keep me posted in how you resolve your sexual conflicts. I care.

      All best.

      The Manly Man Writer who Dances with Really Hot Goddesses (as you have seen in the pictures; try not to let it bother you so much)

    2. Editor's note: Mr. Dutcher meant a "lack" not "lace" of writing ability.

  10. Mr. Dutcher- I find your flowery language sarcastic and abusive. You write in a very confusing manner. And your overuse of capitalization is something is a sign of you trying to overcompensate for something. Perhaps it's your lack of writing ability and discretion.

  11. Dear Very Confused Anonymous (April 2, 2012 at 1:40 p.m.),

    I accept your Comment as a serious constructive criticism and shall respond in kind.

    You say I overuse capital letters and see that as a symptom of overcompensation for something. In the above blog post about the new developments in my parking lot tow job investigation, I only capitalized "not" twice, "NOT" "NOT." Take a look yourself. Don't take my word for it.

    But let's assume, for the sake of argument, you're right. I need guidance from you about what the proper use of capitalization is, apart from the convention of commencing each new sentence with a large letter. I look forward to hearing from you very soon so I can consider an adjustment of my own usage, in accordance with your guidelines. I am not promising I will comply, but until you're more precise in your recommendation, I have no idea what you have in mind. Really.

    What interests me more is your psychological hypothesis about what my use of large letters may imply with regard to my ego. Shall I tease out what I think you may be suggesting? Let me try.

    Perhaps what you're suggesting, without saying it, is this. Maybe I feel my cock is too small, too weeney, so I use BIG LETTERS to compensate for feeling I have too small a dick. Now I don't agree with your interpretation, but this is America so I have no reason to object, legally, to all 300 million of our fellow citizens having a different opinion on this important matter of public concern. In fact, you could help me get 300 million people interested in reading "Bobs blog" (hint, hint; wink, wink), I definitely could monetize the blog and retired in real style, big dick or no.

    But again, your lack of specificity leaves me to speculation when I'd certainly prefer you to be less confusing to me about what exactly you mean by "a sign of [my] trying to overcompensate for something." All replies will be held in strictest confidence. Maybe.

    Flowery language. Please quote a few samples of the flora among the fauna of my writing. Don't know what the heck you have in mind. I hope you don't have florid delusions of any kind. If you do, I can suggest a good psychiatrist in West Hartford. I haven't seen him myself since last summer, so I'm sure he needs the work.

    Sarcastic and abusive flowery language. Well I'm relieved you don't find my non-flowery language sarcastic and abusive, so there's no need to comment on this criticsm until you reply to my question requesting specific flowery quotes. I'll reply post haste once you do.

    Very confusing manner. I suppose some might be CONFUSED (oops, there go those pesky BIG LETTERS again) by writing of mine which is unclear, but again I'd need you to point out to me what YOU find confusing, because it's YOUR criticism, not anyone else's. And then you'll further have to explain to me what's VERY confusing about what confuses you, as now we're picking the nit a bit finely. But I PROMISE to reply, in detail, as soon as you quote me the confusing passages, of which I rather suspect you find many.

    Lack of writing ability. Not sure what you have in mind here, since I've had almost 25,000 (that's 25 THOUSAND) page views since I started the blog in mid-July, 2011. I doubt that many people would be reading my writing so religiously, daily, if they found me lacking in the putting-together-letters-to-form-words-and-sentences department. Could be wrong. Don't think so.

    Lack of discretion. What needs to be more discrete than whatever it is your talking about, about which I have NO idea. Sorry. Again, show me the money.

    I await your clarifications, urgently.

    All best,

    A Writer who's Thoroughly Confused, in general, and in specific by your Comment

  12. The only thing more laughable then Bob's ranting is going to be reading his four line obituary. The sooner the better.

  13. Dear Wishing-Me-Dead Anonymous (April 10, 2012 at 7:30 p.m.),

    The reason you wish me dead is this: you envy me so much, you're so jealous of my freedom, you wish so much to be like me, that the only way you can relieve the internal tension from these feelings is to wish me dead. Every photo you see of me dancing with young, attractive, hot women infuriates you, makes you green with envy.

    Now, unless you kill me, I hope God, Mother Nature, or the gods will give me another 40 years, maybe more, to continue to develop my writing, my dancing, and stand-up comedy. Hey, maybe, just maybe, you'll summon the courage to live as freely as I do. I wish that for you.

    All best,

    A Man with Big Balls You WISH You Had, but Clearly Don't

  14. You seem obsessed with large testicles. How many do you fit in your mouth last night before they threw you out of the bar? You have a big hang up on that. How many times did your hopefully dead dead dad rape you and make you never tell mommy?

    1. Dear Deranged and Closeted-Homosexual Anonymous (April 11, 2012 at 6:43 a.m.),

      You are obviously a closet homosexual. Nothing wrong with that but there are ways you can get help to explore this aspect of yourself and come out as the gay man you clearly yearn to be. Only a gay man would project the fantasies you've projected onto me, onto another person.

      I am not hung up on my large testicles, which, as you would understand if you had half a brain, is a metaphor for the enormous self-confidence I have, which is necessary to take the risks I do in living life in a big way. You can only dream about such a life, which is why I pity you. Your hate-filled fantasies about me, my dear departed father, and my dear departed mother, reveal much about you but nothing about me.

      All best,

      The Man With Big Balls

  15. So, how many did you fit? You avoided the question. Pretend your a two bit lawyer again and remember you're under oath. Forget what your daddy told you, you can tell us the truth. He can't hurt you any more.

  16. Dear Ignorant of the Rules of Evidence Anonymous (April 11, 2012 at 9:45 a.m.),

    My objection to your poorly-formed, irrelevant to my readership "question" has already been sustained by the court. Move on to your next "question," if you have one.

    All best,

    A Fabulous Trial Lawyer who always found Pro Se litigants amusing in their ignorance

  17. Why don't you post about the DUI you got not too long ago? That should be interesting to hear you defend.