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Wednesday, February 29, 2012

A Writer's Life--Fun and Games, and a Near-Violent Confrontation at The Shadow Room with a Big Bully-of-a-Humanoid-Simulacrum

Here's the kind of magical evening I had last night, and this is only the last part of the fun 'n games I had, first at Eli Cannon's where I got myself kicked out for refusing to back down from a confrontation with an asshole pudgy little fat-bellied man who claimed himself to be a lawyer who could argue me speechless, and then at my favorite hang-out on non-dance club nights, The Shadow Room.  Anyway, here's a detailed account of how much FUN I had after the appetizer course at Eli Cannons, once I got to The Shadow Room:
   I'll give you the first part.  To read the rest, I'll give you the link to my blog, "Bobs blog," where I've posted the rest of it.  Please note that David Gere is a professional movie and TV actor, and SAG member, not saggy like me.  He's also a co-owner of The Shadow Room, where the altercation described in the story, in the form of a message to David, happened last night.

Dear Mr. Gere,
As you undoubtedly have heard from Not-So-Jolly St. Nick, late of TSR, Santa Claus personally evicted my old ass from TSR last night, following a certain pissin' match intitated by a humor-less and very very horny and up-tight Mere Mortal Man who appeared to be jerking off or fiddling with his I-phone accoutrement or some such at the end of the couch (sorta' rhymes, don't it? figures, dude, i am, a POE-it). Now as I 'splained to the Prophet Joshua, whom I really like, and in a FB Message to Mr. Claus, your esteemed pardoner at TSR, the two HUMANS with a Sense of HUMOR who were allegedly associated with that certain Jerk-Off (see, supra.), I had no idea whatever that the aforesaid Beefy Jerk-Offy (he was rather fleshy in his self-same corpulence) was even paying attention to all the Fun 'n Games the studly young man and the hot young Goddess in the back dress were havin', talkin' 'bout "Bobs blog" and The Hollywood Mythic Pics and the poetry 'bout yo' Main and Only (I should hope) Main Squeeze, Toni the Ti-GERE, when all of a sudden, before Jolly St. Nick could hitch up Dasher, and Dancer, and Prancer, and the Goddesses and see what was a-foot, Fat-Ass Beef Jerky tells Your Humble and Most Introverted and Perverted Servant, moi (en Francais), to "Get out of my face." Now, since he (I use that appellation loosely, like his loose belly fat) had been jerking off or fiddling with Facebook (or, only in his dreams, Fuckbook), I assumed he was saying, "Get out of my Facebook." I then told him, I'm not using Facebook right now because I only have a dumb-phone, not a smart-ass phone. This seemed to infuriate the Bull further, and he or she or it, suddenly jumped up and, after telling ME to get out of ITS face, proceeded to bring what allegedly was ITS face very close to MY UGLY OLD FACE (and I don't even get the Ugly Man Discount at TSR). When I pointed out, with perfect calm, that he or she or IT was actually increasing ITS proximity to my ugly face, and not the other way 'round, IT was seething with such HATRED of my dumb demeanor that I just couldn't resist telling him, with most polite enunciation, to "Go fuck yourself. And furthermore, sir, I LOVE you and want to make out with you." Now, for some unknown Raison d'Etre, this appeared further to infuriate the Little Boy in the Big Fat Quasi-Man Ray and he said something like, "You think you're so SMART, Mr. Lawyer, but you're a fucking asshole. Get out of my face." Since I couldn't disagree with anything he accused me of, it all being totally true, except the part about Me being in His face, I immediately pled guilty and put myself on the mercy of the bouncers. In my own defense, I pleaded as follows to the Wannabe Tough-Guy Bully: "Go fuck yourself. What are you going to do about it? Why don't you hit me. Then I'll at least have something to write about tomorrow on Fuckbook and my blog." By now, the Prophet Joshua, whom I really like, as he is a very good man with a big heart and even Bigger Cohones, and that other bouncer, the white guy who ALWAYS looks like he's in final preparations for a colonoscopy (you know the face you get when you drink that orange liquid that makes you shit the entire night before the procedure), realized that somethin' BIG was goin' down, so they came over to me and asked me to move away from the Bull or they'd have to ask, nicely of course, since they are good men, me to leave TSR. Of course, Sir David, out of respect for you, and admiration for the ass-ets of your GF, the Goddess TTT, I immediately acceded to their request. Several minutes later, Goddess Emily waltzed in to your establishment and, of course, caused quite a stir. Goddess Emily greeted me warmly, with a big smile and an even bigger hug, which instantly made me a bit bigger than I hadn't been before the aforesaid big hug. I told her that I had earlier had a nice conversation with the hot and studly dark-haired Mere Mortal Young Man who had been her TSR chaperone or companion for the evening when I first had the pleasure of meeting said Goddess Emily the night my current Profile Hollywood Classic Pic was snapped. I suspect the Bully, seeing this little tableau, of a blonde, Platinum Hot-tttt Goddess embracing the Creepy Old Man whom minutes before the Bully had gotten almost close enough to kiss me, was even more worked up (for the Goddess, I meant to imply, not for me, even though, as I said above, I had offered to make out with him, just to calm him the freak DOWN). At this, the Bully left, trailed by his two companions, the man of whom, who had aready checked out my FB page and invited me to be his Fuckbook Friend, had an expression of serious solidarity with the Bully, although the hot Goddess in the black dress seemed to be a bit bemused by the whole situation, as if she realized how dumb-ass the Bully was. At this, your bidness partner, the aforesaid Jolly St. Nick, informed the Colonoscopy-preparing Bouncer to ask me to leave the premises, which I did, of course.
Now I realize how DEPENDENT Santa is on the revenue from the moonshine sold as legal booze at TSR, so I may no longer be welcome in your Storied Shady Shadow 'Stablishment. If that be the case, I'll certainly understand. In which case I suppose my only alternative is to buy out, not eat out, the Indian Restaurant a few doors down and open a new artists' bar, dance club, and eating-out establishment which I shall call, "In the Sun." This will present a stark, even Platonic, contrast to the cave-like precincts of "The Shadow Room." But here's the rub, dear friend and demi-god. In "The Republic," Plato wrote a little piece he called "The Simile of the Cave." And in that little philosophical riff, the Sophist-NOT explained that human life is a lot like being in The Shadow Room, or as he put it, in a cave. Humans only dimly appreciate the True Reality of the Platonic Forms. But once humans achieve a sufficient Enlightenment, a kind of clearing out the cobwebs from the brain and achieving a state of True Wisdom, Love of Wisdom, Philosophy, really, they are able, finally, to leave the cave and enter the bright light of daylight, "In the Sun." Which is why I'd call my bar "In the Sun." Get it? And I can only dream, and hope, and pray, and fantasy that The Goddesses, the really Hot Goddesses, the blondes, the redheads, the streaked, the oiled, the Playboy-quality Hollywood Mythic Goddess, would avoid dim-witted, shadowy figures like The Bully, and re-join this Mere fuckin' old ass Mortal Man, aka THE WRITER, at Up or on the Rocks for dancing and "In the Sun" for a little nude sunbathing.
All best, my dear young studly demi-god Fuckbook Friend and TTT companion and freak-mate, I shall, always, remain,

The Writer

Like ·  · See Friendship · 5 minutes ago near Middletown

39 comments:

  1. This story has generated an enormous amount of interest in the readers of "Bobs blog." A bartender, Tiffany Amber, at The Shadow Room at first indicated on my Facebook page, where the story was also posted, that she "Liked" it. Then she had a change of heart and wrote a series of short, negative Comments, to each of which I responded, exhaustively. For those of you who are interested in this fall out from the incident last night and the story I wrote about it, I am publishing all of the Facebook Comments which have appeared today about the story. Because of word limitations in each blog Comment window, it will take about 5 more Comment windows to publish all the Comments. Let's start here, from the beginning of the Comments:

    Bob's blog: A Writer's Life--Fun and Games, and a Near-Violent Confrontation at The Shadow Room with
    wwwbobs-blog.blogspot.com
    Like · · Unfollow Post · Share · 7 hours ago near Middletown

    Tiffany Amber likes this.

    Claude Masse Read 'm the riot act.The whole bunch of them who seem to be following your meteoric rise as an AARP Dancemaster.
    5 hours ago · Unlike · 1

    Robert Dutcher Hey, bro', you and I ARE the Riotous Generation, bro'.
    5 hours ago · Like

    Robert Dutcher I like the new moniker: "The AARP Dancemaster." Sounds like the kind of neat name only a guy from Fall Rivah' could dream up, or somewhere else in Little Big-Time Rhoddy.
    5 hours ago · Like

    Claude Masse I never thought about the roots,but heck I'm just a thick-headed Canuck from P'tucket.Best of luck with the new moniker.
    4 hours ago · Like

    Robert Dutcher Hold on there, bro'. I thought you were a Fall Rivah' guy from Portugal, a cunt-tree I love!
    4 hours ago · Like

    Tiffany Amber Robert you made two groups of customers leave the shadow room last night. I do not appreciate your comments about my work and It is very disrespectful. Please keep this is mind....
    3 hours ago · Like

    Tiffany Amber Jolly saint nick has a buisness to run and I work off tips!! U cost me significant $$ last night, u have never bothered me but u did bother some couples last night and made them uncomfortable and then left.
    3 hours ago · Like

    Robert Dutcher Hey, lady, I'm a writer. A comic. I was having a good time with two of those customers when, all out of nowhere there friend flew into a rage. Without ANY warning. If he had just given me any indication he didn't like it, without totally losing control of himself, I would have chosen to respond in kind. I don't go where I'm not wanted, I force myself on no one, and I move on when it's clear we're not connecting. But I'll be damned if I'm going to let any punk ass jack-off talk to me the way he did, without responding in kind. I don't take shit from nobody. And you shouldn't either. Treat me respectfully and I'll do the same. If you're saying people shouldn't take any risk by interacting with total strangers, well, then, Goddess, that's just not the way Life is Lived. Except by Hermits and Nuns. And I'm neither. Hey, if the Powers that Be don't want me in TSR, there are plenty of other welcoming venues. I don't expect you or anybody else to kiss my old ass, but I don't kiss ass either. I did that for 36 years as a lawyer and now I'm a truth-tellin' writer. Trust me, you won't hurt my feelings if you don't like me. I LOVE you, Goddess, no matter how you feel about me. All best, The Writer and Truth-Teller
    3 hours ago · Like

    [Continued in next Comment window.]

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    Replies
    1. [Continued from prior Comment window.]


      Robert Dutcher Whom did I bother other than the dude who blew up at me, like a tornado without any warning? The man and lady in the black dress and I were having a nice, funny interaction. The girls were dancing with me earlier. All in good fun. Who were the "couples" [plural] I bothered? It was one, very sullen man who apparently didn't like me. I didn't DO anything to anybody. I was myself and that person just chose not to like my act. I didn't particularly like his act either, did you? I didn't act hostilely to him or anybody else, until, that is HE CHOSE to act hostilely to me. So please, Goddess, tell whatever STORY you want to, but the one you told above in your Comment is not a story which comports with the facts.
      3 hours ago · Like

      Robert Dutcher P.S.: I stand by every word I wrote in the tale I told. I'd be more than happy to meet with Nick, you, Goddess, the Angry Dude, his two very nice friends, Mr. Gere, Joshua, your other bouncer, anybody, if you'd like to discuss this further. No kidding.
      3 hours ago · Like

      Robert Dutcher My cell is 860-759-9860 if you or anyone else wants to reach me. I'm around.
      3 hours ago · Like

      Tiffany Amber It was that group of people, the lady in black dress and the other couple. Then the bar cleared out, I was working.... I didn't see what happened with u and whatever patron of mine that you were arguing with... Just please don't bash my work due to your actions... I'm not gunna argue....
      3 hours ago · Like

      Robert Dutcher P.S.: Goddess Tiffany, a true and accurate statement of what happened is in no way disrespectful, although you are free not to appreciate the truth. I respectfully suggest you consider keeping THAT in mind. When you say I "made" people leave, how, exactly, darlin' did I "make" them do so? Did I carry them out? I'm kind of old and weak, so I doubt that. Did I point a gun at them? Well, I don't own any guns or other weapons, other than my pen, and I didn't send them any texts because I don't know who the fuck you're talking about and even if I did, I don't know their I-phone numbers, if they have I-phones and not a dumb phone as I do, being a dumb-ass Elderly Man. Finally, how is it that a 62-year-old retarded former lawyer on Social Security can really even scare anybody away. I'm just a harmless old comic, a fool really, the kind of character Shakespeare put in many of his greatest works of art, the kind of spirit who tells Truth to Power and even, in this case, Truth to a Very Lovely but Inaccurate Goddess. All best, my friend (at least I so consider thee), The Writing Old Fool
      3 hours ago · Like

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    2. [Continued from previous Comment window.]


      Robert Dutcher Goddess Tiffany, I'm not bashing your work. You do lovely work and YOU ARE LOVELY. The lady in the black dress and the nice man in the tie next to her (who, by the way, while I was talking to them pulled up my FB page on his I-phone to see the pic of me with the Goddesses at TSR, and, also, at the same time, invited me to be his FB Friend, which shows you how nicely the conversation was going until their "friend," the Enraged Bull, got up on his high BS Horse and in my Elderly Man's Old Ugly Face) were having a good time, as was I, talking and kidding around. Then the Bull exploded, without warning. And I was not arguing with the Bull but I did CHOOSE not to accept his Bull-Shit and gave it back to him as good as HE FIRST GAVE it to me. Now another way you might want to write your little story of last night would be this. Sorry, sir, old man, Mr. Dutcher, bobby-kins, that you were having such a wonderful time at TSR, when all of a sudden, out of nowhere, one of our drunken patrons exploded at you, for no known reason, for reasons best known by him or his unconscious mind. And then you, sir, chose to react in one possible reasonable way, which is by standing up for yourself to an enraged drunken little boy in a bigger-than-you, younger-and-stronger than you body. And TSR is sorry that you had to be subjected to such unwarranted and un-warned-of abuse. Now that is what actually happened, and, as you concede, you really weren't a witness to how it all went down, because you were, of course, doing your job, which you do very well. Finally, you SAY you're not gonna argue these points, but the reality is, you are arguing. Again, you're arguing without knowing the facts, without asking me first what actually happened, without being fair to me, also one of your customers, for the time being at least. But I can handle being treated unfairly by you or anybody else. Remember, Goddess, I am a WRITER. I love all experience. As long as I'm 5'10" above-ground, I'll continue to love life, TSR (if I'm welcome), and you, my darling beautiful Goddess and very hard working bartender and great conversationalist.
      2 hours ago · Like

      Tiffany Amber People thought u were crazy or smoking crack. I reassured them you were just an eccentric writer.
      2 hours ago · Unlike · 1

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    3. [Continued from previous Comment window.]


      Robert Dutcher That's correct. I AM a VERY person. I am an actor, as are we all. Think what the Bard said about Life: "All the world's a stage, and we are all actors upon it." And life is all Sound and Fury, signifying nothing. As for crack, I do have a crack in my old ass and a big crack in my head. The head above the neck. I even have a crack in the head below my belt. I am crazy, but not CRAZY, if you know what I mean. More "crazy" as in "There's method in my madness." Think Hamlet and the Play within a Play, if you need a clear example of what I'm talking about, by a slightly more gifted writer. And I am, finally, eccentric. Eccentric in that I actually loved the confrontation with the little big Bull guy last night. I regret his sullen, angry, hatred of my internal freedom (my psychological hunch about what was motivating HIM to hate me in stark contrast to his two friends who liked me, until, of course, they felt compelled to show solidarity with their angry friend when he lfe, which, by the way, occurred just after Goddess Emily made her airy appearance into TSR and greeted me, the old guy and father-figure, with a BIG SMILE and HUG, which the Bull was watching and I'm sure INFURIATED him even more than my own presence and act did earlier, before his inner IED exploded, causing you to lose tip revenue; you probably could sue the Bully for damages), combined with his inability to process those feelings other than by exploding emotionally (he could have just bought another drink and slept off his rage, quietly, like most alcoholics do), led him to choose, probably unconsciously, to blow up at me. Now I take full responsibility for my actions. While I do go to a black baptist church, and our Big Prophet Man suggested I should have turned the other cheek, that's just not my style. Not now. Now that I love to experience peak experiences and write about them, honestly I might add. In sum, I did not choose to have the Bully go ballistic on me, I had no warning he would, no reason to believe from my lively interaction with his two friends that he was upset or angry, until he exploded, and, if I faced the same exploding IED I'd choose to act the same way, unless, that is, the Bull had a gun or knife in his hand or looked like he was going to use other means to kill me. Any other questions, Goddess, just ask away. Remember, I LOVE to WRITE. Some prefer sex. All others pay cash.
      2 hours ago · Like

      Robert Dutcher Oops, I meant to say, at the outset of the last Comment: I AM a VERY FREE person." Carry on, kids.
      2 hours ago · Like

      Robert Dutcher BTW Goddess Tiffany, if you didn't like my story which I posted as my Status, why, at the top, did you check off that you "Liked" the Status? Please explain for 50% credit on the final exam for the course, "Writers Gone Wild: How to Manage Explosive Drunken Customers and Get Internally-Free Eccentric Writers to Behave as Jesus Would at TSR." Thank you in advance, Goddess, for your anticipated cooperation. If you do well on this exam question, I will personally make sure you get all the tits, I mean tips, you wanted to grab in your hot little pretty hands last night at TSR.
      2 hours ago · Like

      Robert Dutcher BTW everyone. You know who's really at fault for what happened last night? That's right. He Who Must be Obeyed. The demi-god. You know whom I mean. The man who was runnin' wild in NYC today. Had the Big Kahuna been there last night, that Bull would have just bought a few more drinks, given you some great tits, er, tips, Goddess and enjoyed my show.
      2 hours ago · Like

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    4. [Continued from previous Comment window.]

      Robert Dutcher BTW, I stand by my observation and characterization of the facial expression of your very nice, actually, white bouncer. I do hope he gets that colonoscopy soon because it's not comfortable always feeling the way he must, given his facial visage. I'm sure he's not really feeling as uncomfortable as he has always looked whenever I've seen him, but if he is, there are medical remedies as well as home remedies for the condition. Again, that's how he strikes me, I mean how I view him. He's NEVER hit me. Not yet at least and I sure hope never, because I don't think he'd like the enhanced criminal penalties for assault on a person over the age of 60, and I'm 62 and rising, so to speak, age wise I mean. In all seriousness, I don't know the man's name, but in all my interactions with him, he's a very good guy, good-humored, just looks the part of a mean bouncer. Hey, David Gere, that bouncer is almost as good an actor as you, bro'. Watch out, SAG awards!
      2 hours ago · Like

      Tiffany Amber I can't read all this work... Me liking it was a mistake.... I dont like rambling posts.. If u keep getting kicked out of places isn't that a sign.... ?
      about an hour ago · Like

      Robert Dutcher Yes, in the case of The Shadow Room, it IS a sign. But not what I think you're thinking. Here's what it's a sign of. First, my Comments aren't rambling. They're actually quite coherent. They ARE detailed, and accurate depictions of the events as they transpired. And my readers all over the globe, on "Bobs blog," where the blog platform set up by Google tracks all that for me, very precisely, enjoy the way I experience life and write about it. Not all of them, of course. I don't aim to please ANYONE. I just create my work. And then let others judge it, like it, hate it, or be bored by it. Whatever.
      about an hour ago · Like

      Robert Dutcher Second, The Shadow Room actually seem to have a business plan decision to make. Is TSR an artists' haven or an accountants' and lawyers' and working man's watering hole? Or both? I had thought that David Gere wanted it to be a kind of artists' haven, incubator, hang out. But perhaps Nick and others, or even David, is really mostly interested in making a buck selling booze to dead-heads, drunks, and un-creative Salary-Men and -Women. If you want an a place where creative artist-types like to come, you're going to get some people like me. True, I'm a pain in the ass, a show-off, a self-confident Man. But that's what artists are. All that. And more. If you don't believe me, read a very interesting new book, "Writers Gone Wild," by Bill Peschel. This wonderful tome chronicles hundreds of stories of writers throughout human history who have been much bigger pains in the ass than I will probably ever be. Mailer and Hemingway constantly got in bar-room brawls. And both of them were drunks. I drink at most a beer and mostly water. I'm probably one of THE MOST SOBER people who frequent The Shadow Room. I assure you that blood or urine tests, or breath-a-lysers would confirm what I'm saying, with respect to alcohol or other drug blood serum levels. Obviously, any bar which sells liquor and alcohol is going to enable its patrons to get high, drunk even. Anyway, Nick and David, and any of the other owners of TSR have to decide if what they're running is just a "watering hole" for drunks and more moderate drinkers, or an artists' haven, or both. But if you want artists to hang out at TSR, they're not likely all to behave like Wall Street Banksters, CPAs, or tax lawyers.
      about an hour ago · Like

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    5. [Continued from previous Comment window.]

      Robert Dutcher Third, Tiffany, when you say you "can't read all this [i.e. my] work [i.e. writing]," what do you mean, exactly. I assume you know how to read, because you obviously read enough of the original Status aka post to absorb it and indicate that you Liked it. You say your Liking it was a mistake. Do you have any idea at all why you made that "mistake" in the first place? That would be an inquiry which would interest me. Were you pressured by anyone to change your Like to a dislike in your Comments? Is your financial interest in making a living interfering with your objectivity? Remember, I have ZERO financial interest in what I write, the way I write, or who I offend or flatter with my writing. My sole goal is HONESTY. Right or wrong, I tell it as I see it, from a flinty-eyed, honest, and imaginative point of view. The opinions I express in my writings are those of me alone, and do not reflect the opinions, whatever and if-ever they are, of Nick, David Gere, or anyone else. Do you not read my complete Comments because you fear I might convince you that your nasty, un-friendly remarks about MY role in the fast-unfolding events of last night at TSR, were actually UNFAIR, WITHOUT JUSTIFICATION, and PRIMARILY TO FURTHER YOUR OWN SELF-ISH FINANCIAL INTEREST IN CODDLING YOUR DRUNKEN ALCOHOLIC CUSTOMERS, like the Bully who threatened me, rather than fairly acknowledging that I was merely playing the role which David Gere, and Nick, and the Goddesses, including you, my dear, have always encouraged me to play?
      about an hour ago · Like

      Robert Dutcher Finally, if what David Gere and Nick and the bouncers and the Goddesses want The Shadow Room to be is just one more "yawn yawn, snore snore" watering hole for alcoholic tax lawyers, Banksters, accountants, and hard-working, stressed out Salarymen and Salarywomen of every stripe, then I of course shall find nothing of interest for my imagination. And please don't feel you owe me anything. You don't. Look not every two-bit bar has to be an incubator for the next James Joyce or Jasper Johns (David's paintings are really very good, Goddess. Are you too jaded to notice them too?). This town is filled with alcoholics who would LOVE to sit at that nice cozy bar and Oogle the Goddesses' breasts when they bend low to get ice for the drunks, revealing their glorious cleavages. And I assure you this. Unlike I, the Eccentric Artist, the Amateur Poet, those dirty old men won't say a word. They'll just sit there at the bar, dreaming of how much they lust after the Goddesses beautiful tits, giving you plenty of tits for the trouble.
      about an hour ago · Like

      Robert Dutcher Well, honey, that's all Daddy has to tell you in his boring, long essay. I'm sorry the length of my tale is not as tight as your tail, but that's the fate of a Writer and of a Waiter. I LOVE ALL Of YOU, no matter how many drunks with whom you surround yourself and your all the Goddesses' Titantically-Summed Tits. And if you think MY words are CREEPY and DISGUSTING, you should only be privy to the inside of the fantasies of all those dirty young, and old, drunks who sit there, longingly looking at your Combined Cleavages. All best, Daddy aka The Eccentric Writer, long-winded but not full of flatus, at least about last night and what REALLY went down with that Bully Drunk
      about an hour ago · Like

      Robert Dutcher BTW, Tiffany Goddess, as you know, this is what you say about yourself on your FB Info:
      Interested In Women
      Political Views
      Liberal
      Stay far from timid, only make moves when your heart is in it, and live the phrase Sky's the Limit..
      56 minutes ago · Like

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    6. [Continued from previous Comment window.]

      Robert Dutcher Now, let me ask you this, with respect to your question about the significance of my getting kicked out of certain bars. You appear to be gay. If somebody attacks a gay person because he or she is gay, is that a sign that the gay person has done something to deserve the attack? I think you see where I'm going with this, assuming, that is, that you've been able or willing, to read this far.
      54 minutes ago · Like

      Tiffany Amber This is not about my sexuality.... This is about you acting a little crazy. If u spent money then it would b ok, but customers thinking ur a patient from CVH is just not good for buisness sorry!! would be a better dance club to go to.. I wouldn't talk about our buisness considering we have been in buisness for quite awhile and we do very well... Thankyou I am done, I don't have enought time to read most of this... Sorry!!! You must be retired?
      20 minutes ago · Like

      Robert Dutcher Finally, in my own life, I happen to be following the advice in your FB Info about staying far from timid, living with passion and heart, and living as if the Sky's the limit. While you claim that as you motto, in my case it's not just an empty form of words. How about in yours?
      13 minutes ago · Like

      Robert Dutcher Yes, dear child, I am retired. And I AM ACTING. At all times. Whereas, in my case, I am acting in a conscious way, but most people, perhaps including yourself, act mostly unconsciously, without thinking. And yes, by the standards of Klearly Konventional Konnecticut (KKK), my particular act does appear to be "crazy." A useful analogy for you, although you don't seem to have the attention-span for reading more than a sentence or two or three at a time, would be "Hamlet." In that play, if you've ever heard of it, Hamlet appeared to be depressed, even crazy, in his thoughts and actions. There is substantial controversy, even today, hundreds of years after Will wrote the play, whether Hamlet was acting in a crazy way or with cold, steely method behind his only apparent madness. In my case, little girl, you would be making a big mistake if you thought that I weren't just as steely in the willpower I use to play the role I've chosen to play in life, this wonderful stage we all inhabit. You're absolutely correct that I don't spend much money at The Shadow Room or other places which serve alcohol and that, my "friend" is probably the best evidence of two things: 1. Why it is that I am not drunk or chemically-high, or crazy when I'm doing my act, my show in point of fact, at TSR or other places. And 2. My not spending much money on booze at TSR, on getting chemically high, like most of your customers, is a primary reason I will probably not be welcomed back to TSR. Only David Gere and Nick can give a final answer, but, if your view speaks for theirs, then it has been decided: The Shadow Room is NOT a haven for artists, an incubator for the arts but, instead, just another in a long, sorry, and sordid line of third-rate saloons, churning out drunks who endanger the rest of us responsible sober citizens of this nation who don't want to wind up one of the 40,000 dead people a year who are killed, murdered really, by the drunks who stumble out of places like TSR after a night of drinking and dreaming of your little tits, baby.

      Delete
  2. Replies
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      Clearly Cocky Cock!!!!!!

      Delete
  3. i have to say i think there is a solid difference between being eccentric and being a bit rude. when you find yourself scaring off patrons in places and getting kicked out of two establishments in one night, that may be a sign that you were the one in fact, not to blame, but... instigating things. i am all for being a bit of an instigator and causing some ruckus every once in a while, but there has to be a line drawn when you are interfering with the way people are trying to make a living. speaking of which, i also think that blaming employees of an establishment for simply trying to do their jobs and keep their business running smoothly, which was unfortunately kicking you out in this case, is a kind of off, no? tiffany's first comment on your facebook was justified. she was not being inappropriate, just stating that speaking negatively about her place of work wasn't appreciated. although i find you funny much of the time, i have to say i found your comments about people you simply dislike (i.e. the bouncer and the manager) relatively hostile and childish. while i have no right, or interest, in telling you what to do, i will say this: if i were in your position, i would sit back, reflect on the situation a bit more from each persons perspective, focus on forgiving each of them and letting go of your negative feelings towards them, then take a good look at yourself, who you really are. are you really a person who feels the need to confusingly confront and argue with people (undoubtedly an advantage in the court room, but unnecessarily unfair in real life)? or are you a nice guy, just trying to have some fun and appreciate the beauty of people and dance? i think that person, the person i must assume you went into this as, would ignore the people that don't like you and leave the people who do not understand your purpose or intentions alone rather than becoming involved in confrontation. i am not looking to begin a long conversation or argument with you, i just thought it might help to gain an outsider's perspective on the matter. i wish you many more nights of dancing and happiness.

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    Replies
    1. Dear Anonymous (March 1, 2012 at 6:18 a.m.),
      Thanks for your thoughtful and interesting Comment, and, of course, for taking time to read the blog.
      I don't agree with some of your interpretations of what happened in the two bars, but that's beside the point I think we agree with, which is this. My primary interest is not to instigate or confront in venues where I am not wanted. I need to find places which are not only receptive to my act, but positively inviting it. The latter goal won't be achieved until I give the audience something they didn't have without my performance.
      As for the former, trying to force my comedy routines on unsuspecting patrons of bars, food stores, universities, and the like is not only unfair to the "audiences" in those places, it is also an inefficient allocation of my time and energy. Our cleaning lady and long-time friend, JC, made a great suggestion to me this morning: karaoke nights. We knocked around some ideas which might be very funny to karaoke club audiences. If successful, it might lead to more extensive pure stand-up gigs.
      Also, of course, comedy clubs. At least there, the audiences are eager to be entertained.

      [Continued in next Comment window.]

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    2. [Continued from above Comment window.]

      Now, on your suggestions about what you would do if you were in my position, I'm sure those are interesting principles for you. But the plain fact is, you are not in my position. I am. And here is how I see the situation.

      First, I am both a nice guy and not a nice guy. I am kind and forgiving and restrained with many people, in many situations. I give a LOT of people free legal help and other emotional and moral support. However, if someone blows up on me I choose to stand my ground, as long as I don't think the person is going to take out a gun and shoot me. I look carefully for body language to determine the prudence of standing my ground. I have been in situations where I have decided to retreat, when I decided that was the safe course.

      Second, I have to decide in the moment what I think best. I can't consult you or anyone else. I don't even know who you are. Even if I did, I would listen to you, as I am now, but in the end we all have to decide for ourselves. We are each the author of our own lives. Not the creator, but the author.

      Third, as for your view that it was rude and wrong for me to criticize the way The Shadow Room was being run, there are actually, I now realize, two The Shadow Room businesses. One is an Artists' Hang-out, Haven, and Incubator. That is the vision of my friend, David Gere, an actor who co-owns TSR with the man I called St. Nick. But Nick sees TSR more as a way to "make a living." And that living involves selling patrons as much booze as he can, to maximize his profits. As Tiffany the bartender said in one of her Comments, I don't spend much at TSR. Mostly I give the bartenders a $1 tip for a glass of water. I've bought one beer there, and David Gere had his girlfriend give me a beer the first night I went down there to hang out with him, at his suggestion.

      Fourth, the booze-providing side of TSR is enabling people to get high, even drunk, and then get back into their cars, parked right outside on Main Street, and drive off into the night. 40,000 people a year are killed by drunk drivers on the streets of this nation. Countless more are maimed or lose loved ones to DWI drivers. Who is doing more harm to society? I, who was just having fun kidding around with a man and a woman on the couch on the side of TSR, when their drunken friend suddenly exploded in my face, or TSR itself, which was getting most everybody in the bar high before they went out on the roads?

      [Continued in next Comment window.]

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    3. [Continued from previous Comment window.]

      Fifth, I stand by my comical observation of the white bouncer's demeanor. He always has a sour look on his face, as if he IS getting ready to have a colonoscopy. But I also made a point of saying he's really a nice guy. As for Tiffany, she made some very nasty comments about me and mis-stated what actually happened between the exploding drunk and me. She concedes she didn't see what happened. And she didn't. I was having a very nice conversation with his two friends when the drunk blew up at me.

      Sixth, I don't dislike the bouncer or Nick the co-owner. I never said I did. I did make sarcastic observations about them because I think their putting the financial interests of maximizing profits over encouraging the presence of artists is inconsistent with what they lead me to believe their attitude was on the few prior occassions I was in TSR when David Gere was also there.

      Seventh, I truly appreciate your outsider's perspective and don't claim "I'm right" and "you're wrong" about the different ways we view the situation and my activities. What I am learnig is, I need to find receptive venues to pursue my interest in entertaining people through comedy. If somebody doesn't deem that an appropriate goal for a qualified lawyer, that's their problem, not mine. None of us is legally or morally required to perform just one role in life for his or her entire life. As nice an idea as that may be for some people, it is not my goal or my passion to be a practicing lawyer for the rest of my life. I want to be more creative than that, more artistic than that.

      I hope you don't view my reply as excessively argumentative. I hope you will again post a Comment on the blog. Thank you.

      Very truly yours,


      Bob

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  4. Bob, I think it's time to hang up the hat. This whole schtick you are on got old a while ago. It is quite clear that you are becoming delusional in regards to the world around you. Peoples' perceptions are not really as you make them out to be. It's time that you man up and act your age.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Dear Anonymous (March 1, 2012, 8:35 a.m.),

    One thing is clear, Anonymous. You delude yourself into thinking that you have access to "The Truth." Why should I care what you think about my "schtick" as you call it? It may be "old" to you, but it's fresh and young and fun for me.

    What exactly do you fantasy I am delusional about concerning the world around me? You'll have to be more specific because I don't have a clue what you're talking about. Please explain if you care to. If not, don't.

    What people's perceptions are you talking about? What perceptions? What do you think I make out about these unspecified people and their unspecified perceptions?

    What do YOU mean by "manning up," other than your having heard that cute phrase on a beer commercial? How do you fantasy that a 62-year-old man should act?

    I assume there is greater content to your thought than your words reveal. If you can communicate that content in words, I'll be most interested to hear what's on you "mind." Otherwise, there is only......NOTHING.....to which I can respond.

    Thanks for your "Comment."

    All best,

    Bob

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  6. Yeah....I have to agree with this guy's comments Bob. You need help. May God bless you and give you the wisdom to see what you are doing, and the strength and courage to get some professional help. If you go back and read your blogs from the past and see how they have de-evolved from being intelligently written commentary to ranting garbage then you will see just how fall you have fallen from reality.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hey, Anonymous (March 6, 2012 11:57 a.m.),
      I'm real glad you and the other guy see eye-to-eye about me. Maybe you and he could go on a date together. Maybe even get married. You're perfectly in sync and that makes my old heart (if I even have one) very very happy.
      Thank you SO much for communicating blessings directly from God. Have you always heard such voices? There are great medications, I've heard, which can help you with that if they continue to bother you.
      As for help, you're giving me lots of help. Help realizing that, if a person as shallow as you think I'm doing something wrong, I must be on the right track.
      I have no need to re-read my blogs from the past. I wrote them, remember, bro'?
      Just so I know which of my blogs you like the most, and which you think are garbage, would you very much mind taking the time to give me a list of those which are "intelligently written commentary" and those which have, as you so brilliantly put it, "de-evolved" to ranting garbage? By the way, is "de-evolved" even a word? I know I've heard of "devolved", but not the one you seem to prefer using. Please explain, for 50% of your final grade in the course, "How to Try to Get a Rise Out of Grandude, Without Ever Succeeding."
      Hey, Anonymous, I really appreciate that you're reading my stuff, even if you hate it. It's all good.

      All best,

      A De-Evolved Formerly-Intelligent Ranter

      P.S.: Does that process you've discovered, of De-Evolv-olution mean I've turned into a monkey? If you answer that one correctly, I'll give you extra points on your final grade.

      P.S.S.: Would you mind lending me your Dictionary? I'm having a hard time with some of your Big Words, Professor?! Thanks.

      Delete
    2. Bob- I read in one of your blogs how you joined the Zion Baptist church in some kind of born again Christian kind of way. How can you call yourelf a Christian and then go out and make these lewd comments towards others? Your language both on this blog and your FB page are offensive. And then you call these young women you associate yourself with "goddesses". Do you not see the blasphemy in your actions and comments? I'm curious what your pastor down at the Zion church thinks of your behavior and about these comments you publically post? You sir, are a text book hypocrite.

      May God bless you and forgive you for your heevan ways. May he give you the wisdom to see your sinful actions and the strength and courage to choose the righteous path.

      Delete
    3. Dear Anonymous (March 7, 2012 at 5:57 a.m.),

      I sincerely appreciate your thought provoking and serious Comment.

      I have not made any "lewd" Comments to others, as far as I can recall on my blog, although I certainly have on Facebook, which I use as a more playful, entertaining forum. Nasty, critical Comments, sure, but not lewd. If I have made lewd Comments, which ones do you have in mind? But even if you're right, I can explain the thinking and feeling behind each one.

      I am a Christian, at least emotionally and spiritually, because Jesus Christ is my Lord and Savior. Jesus, and God, found me in a depressed, suicidal state in the Fall of 2010. They reached down, WAY down, and kept me from killing myself. I am saved by the blood of Jesus, who died for my sins, so I don't have to die physically for them.

      I am a sinner. Always have been and probably always will be. That's the human condition of all of us. That's why I need Jesus, who paid the ultimate price--his own physical death--so I didn't have to die physically to be saved myself.

      I am sorry my language on my blog and on FB offends you but I cannot gear my writing to your particular sensibilities or somebody else would probably find the writing boring and of no use or value. My language, my writing is, above all else, HONEST. TRUTHFUL. FROM MY HEART AND SOUL. BORN OF MY EXPERIENCE. I write what I am inspired to write. It is for others, including you, to make judgments about it's value or lack of value.

      I view all women as Goddesses, in the Greek mythological sense of that word. I do not view women as God.

      Where is the blasphemy? Please explain what you mean.

      As for Rev. Carleton Giles or the other ministers at Zion, please contact them to find out what they think of my blog. I email Rev. Giles a notice each time I post a new "Bobs blog" post. I don't want to speak for Rev. Giles, for whom I have the highest respect as a theologian and charismatic leader of our wonderful church.

      I do not object in the least to your taking upon yourself what I thought Christians imagined only God Himself should do, namely, Judging other people. I know nothing about your life and don't need you to share anything with me. But I wonder if you've ever read in the New Testament the thoughts of Jesus about such claims as yours. I seem to recall that Jesus thought that if a person, like you, tells me I have a stone in my eye, please make sure you notice the log in your own eye. You may not have anything in your eyes, metaphorically-speaking. You may be perfect and without sin, original or subequent to your creation. Beats me, I don't know you.

      I enjoy my heathen ways and my Christian ways, both of which co-exist in my soul, which is full of contradictions. Thank you for confering on me God's blessings. I already see my sinful actions, and the non-sinful. And I do have the strength and courage to choose the righteous path, as I have already demonstrated. I am on "a" righteous path.

      Finally, my friend and brother in Christ, someone a lot wiser than you or I once said something you might want to reflect upon for the next month or so: God, and God along, will be my judge, my rock, and my redeemer. That is my emotional and spiritual side. In my mind, my faculty of ratiocination, my left-brain, I shall always be a doubting, questioning Christian.

      May God bless you and keep you, may he make His face to shine upon you, may he be gracious unto you, and may you, and I, go our separate ways, in peace, until we meet or communicate again.

      All best,

      Bob aka The Christian Sinner and Redeemed One

      Delete
    4. Dear Bob- thank you for your response. I found it enlightening. Your pastor should be be proud of you for taking the high road. I'm glad you found God and Jesus and were saved when you were down to the depths of the unknown. You made a difference today. Thanks.

      Delete
    5. Dear Anonymous (March 7, 2012 at 10:19 a.m.),
      Thanks a lot for your very supportive response to my response to your Comment. I hope Rev. Giles is proud of me. I am proud of him and my entire new church at Zion First Baptist. I have had some people tell me in a Christian spirit about what they either like about me or sometimes what they don't. But our interactions, almost always positive, and only sometimes "constructively critical," are always spiritually-enriching, at least for me. I am sure they don't always know what to make of me, any more than lots of other people, but I feel a lively Spirit of the Living Christ at Zion which for me at least I did not find at either First Church or South Church, both congregational and mostly white demographically.
      All best, and Yours In Christ,

      Bob Dutcher

      Delete
  7. You would think that after getting kicked out of a bar twice in New Haven and then arressted, almost getting arrested at Price Chopper, and then kicked out of two bars in one night in Middletown you would start to develop some sort of self awareness. And these are only the incidents you've blogged about. God knows how many other times you been threatened, asked to leave, removed forcefully from an establishment, or any other situations where you've worn out your welcome. You should check out this nice place over on Silver Street. They'd love to have you and you could dance all you want without being bothered and more importantly, not bother anyone else. If you need directions I can provide, or better yet they can come get you. Better off that way, it'll likely be a one way trip.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Dear Anonymous (March 6, 2012 12:07 p.m.),
      No sir, all that Peak Experience as a Writer and I am still totally un-self-aware. Have no idea what I'm doing. Even now, I have no clue why I'm even bothering to write a reply to your Brilliantly Insightful Commment (let's just call it BIC for short).
      As your BIC implies, there have been other incidents, which I haven't yet had time to write about because I have to spend so much time dealing with juvenile Comments like you BIC. (Not to be confused with Your Big Dic, sonny boy.)
      I have checked out that nice place over on Silver Street. I had to mail the letters yesterday to Laz-y Cheats Park Jobs, Ltd. and The Tow-to-Tow Dance-Off Corporation. I doubt the Silver Street federal post office would tolerate my dance moves, professional-quality though they are.
      As for the place on the hill, just a bit farther up Silver Street, I'm sure they'd love to have a teenager like you, son, full of the Green Monster as you peruse my life, the dancing, the stand-up, the fun bar-room confrontations with a bunch of drunks, and, I'm SURE, those wonderful photos of me and The Shadow Room Goddesses. Those images, and all the fun you know I'm having, which you aren't, must bother you the most. And they can help relieve you of at least the symptoms which those jealous feelings leave you with, at that "nice place over on Silver Street," but I don't mean the post office.
      Hey, dude, I don't want the Green Monster to Eat you All Up so I'd be happy to call for the men in white coats to come get you, pronto, post haste, if you just give me your name and address in strictest confidence, so I can tell them where to pick you up. Shall I suggest they get you tonight at, say 6 p.m.? Can you handle all that jealousy until then?

      All best,

      The Man Enjoying His Life to the Fullest

      Delete
    2. Couldn't have been said better... i fear that he is so self-possessed and delusional at the point that institutionalization is likely the only outcome of this sad, sad story.

      Let this man be a warning to everyone reading this... take a good look in the mirror and listen to your family and friends if they express grave concern at your mental health.

      To the local high school students, club promoters, and other people who find Bob's sickness hilarious... shame on you. Without you posing for mocking pictures with him (which I can assure you, he believes are sincere), he may have not gone down this spiral of getting arrested, kicked out of several establishments for harassment, and embarrassing himself and his family. How would you feel if your father or grandfather became mentally ill and people mocked him all day? How will you feel if national media picks up this story and shows your faces, like they do when young people mock or attack the homeless?

      Bye, Bob.

      Delete
    3. Dear Anonymous (March 6, 2012 at 2:43 p.m.),
      Yours is a spot-on Comment, but not in the way you thought. National media attention is precisely what I'm looking for, as a spring-board to a career in comedy and performing. The more the better. Anything you can do to get my story picked up by the Nationals will be most gratefully appreciated.
      As for the rest of your fantasies, they do reveal a lot about your own fears of becoming a truly free man. Fortunately for me, we still have a Constitution which permits a man like me to extricate himself from the white-slave-condition of a money-making legal machine and show the world what virtually total emotional freedom looks like, without the legal system having any right to stop me, as long as I don't commit any crimes, which I have no intention of doing.
      Hey, if you don't like living in a free country, I'm sure Belarus, China, or Russia would love to have someone as conventional and chicken-shit as you obviously are.
      I'm really enjoying all the hate mail Comments. Keep 'em comin' 'cuz they confirm I'm On the Right Track. As my wise brother-in-law in Canada keeps telling me, "Just keep following your star, Bob." And when I was suicidally depressed, in the Fall of 2010, he wisely said these words to me, which I did not then comprehend, but now do: "Bob, you are not a slave."

      All best,

      The Free White Guy

      Delete
  8. Please reread this: "You would think that after getting kicked out of a bar twice in New Haven and then arressted, almost getting arrested at Price Chopper, and then kicked out of two bars in one night in Middletown you would start to develop some sort of self awareness. And these are only the incidents you've blogged about. God knows how many other times you been threatened, asked to leave, removed forcefully from an establishment, or any other situations where you've worn out your welcome."

    Are you really doing this for national media attention? How very sad.

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    Replies
    1. Hey, dude, Anonymous (March 6, 2012 at 3:10 p.m.),
      Look, humans are over-determined. That's a Freudian concept which means, in language I think even a dullard like you can comprehend, that people have many motives for what they do. But that's one of my motives, although not the primary one or two or more.
      You are a person who lacks imagination and a real zest for LIFE. I lack neither, now that I'm not a money-making legal machine.
      To understand writers like me, try reading Bill Peschel's "Writers Gone Wild." I'm actually quite subdued compared to a lot of writers throughout human history. And I'm talking some big name writers who sought out peak experience much wilder and more interesting than mine. Really, man, read it and you'll begin to understand me. Until then, I know I look crazy, but, as some argue with respect to Hamlet's apparent, or real, madness: There's sometimes Method in another man's Madness. There's definitely Method in my artistic risk-taking with my finite life. I hope you can be as free and playful someday as I have worked very hard to become. You're not there yet, but there's always hope, even for one as unimaginative, dull, boring, and uninteresting as you.

      All best,

      The Crazy Old Dancin' Dude with Swag and Method and Conscious Intention in Every Action, Every Word, Every Gesture, Every Situation

      Delete
    2. Another thing, Anonymous who's so Sad, so Sad,
      Take another look at the Baudelaire poem, "Be always drunken." If you're sad, get drunk, on wine, or poetry, or virtue. I think you like to get drunk on what you think of as your Good Little Boy virtue, but there are other ways of being drunk on life. But please don't STAY sad. Be always drunken, nothing else matters, THAT is the ONLY question.

      All best,

      The Always High On Life Enchanted Dude

      Delete
  9. I'm curious as to why you call yourself a writer? Are the rantings on this page your claim to fame?

    Also concerned about you calling an anonymous poster "unimaginative, dull, boring, and uninteresting". You mean because I have actual friends and family that I share meaningful experiences with, and that I don't make a sweaty shaking fool of myself and post it online, much like the pre-teens who post the "Am I pretty or ugly?" videos on Youtube?

    I am saying this to you calmly, gently, and (I really need you to believe this - without any jealousy): Please get help.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Dear Anonymous (March 6, 2012 at 4:14 p.m.),
      Easy re the first curiosity you have about me. I am a writer because I write. Love to, actually. Am I the ranter? Are you? Have I claimed to be famous? Do you think I am?
      I called you the names I did because that's how you strike me. Unimaginative. Dull. Boring. Uninteresting. But maybe that's just because all I know of you is what you reveal about yourself in your writing in your Comments here. If you want to prove otherwise, call me on my cell, 860-759-9860, and I'd be happy to meet you in a local coffee shop so I can see the rest of your artistic presentation of yourself. Maybe you're everything but unimaginative, dull, boring, and uninteresting, it's just that we wouldn't know if from your writing here.
      Maybe you do have friends and family and meaningful experiences. I wouldn't know because you haven't shared any of that here with me.
      But as you can see, from my blog writings and pictures and all the rest, I actually and certainly do have friends and family with whom I share meaningful experiences. You may not like the meanings, but that's not my problem.
      I can tell from that note about my "sweaty" shaking fool of myself posted in the dance club pictures on my blog and my Facebook page that you pay careful attention to a lot of what I do with my enchanted and ballsy life. Thanks for the implied compliment.
      And perhaps it is all like what the pre-teens post on YouTube. Do you spend a lot of time watching that kind of pre-pubescent material? Are you also into child pornography? If so, let me give you some free, excellent legal advice. Don't do it, sir. There's a five-year minimum mandatory sentence at both the state and federal level for your interest in that pre-pubescent nasty material. Save your soul, your job, your freedom, and the enmity of your family and friends. I hope that's not the sort of "meaningful experience" with family and friends you mean. Oh, my God, sir. Please, this is a Family "Bobs blog." I am a Family Man, sir. Please restrict your child pornographic fantasies to your left hand, in the privacy of your own home, as long as the kids and the missus and the friends aren't there to turn you in.
      You SAY you're calm and gentle. Sure doesn't feel that way to me.
      I'm curious about one thing you said, at the end of your vacuous and quite amusing rant. You say, "I really need you to believe this--without any jealousy." Why do you NEED anything from me? I don't even know you. And what do you mean by that odd phrase, given the context, "without any jealousy."
      Look, I'm cutting you a lot of slack because one thing is certainly clear and obvious from your Comment: YOU ARE NOT A WRITER.

      All best,

      The W(r)eal, Witty, Whacky, and W(v)ery WISE Writer

      Delete
    2. P.S.: Forgive me for not suggesting, calmly, gently, and without any jealousy whatsoever: Please get help from a Writer with your "writing," if fairly it so can be characterized. All best, The Writer

      Delete
  10. I am an anonymous internet poster. Attacking my personal attributes or perceived lack of writing ability reflects on you more than me. Are you able to understand that?

    Do not attack others.

    Resist the urge to scream "I know you are but what am I?"

    Resist the urge to question, then imply, then declare that I am involved in any way with child pornography. You make young women uncomfortable every day with your stares, rants, and raves. Then when they object you personally attack, belittle, and humiliate them. It is clear that you have a sadistic side, and by constantly projecting your own obvious faults onto others, you have now implicated yourself in the crime of viewing child pornography.

    Resist the urge to whine about how you chose to have children early and often and therefore had to work for (SHOCK!) 30 years or so before you sat back and collected social security.

    Just ask yourself... am i ok?

    The answer is no.

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    Replies
    1. Dear Anonymous (March 6, 2012 at 5:19 p.m.),
      You're such an inept writer and incoherent thinker, if writing and thinking it's fair to call whatever it is you do when you make Comments here. I disagree with everything you say in your silly Comment, except for this:

      You asked me to ask myself one question, the "i" of which is ambiguous. You don't indicate whether the "i" denotes you, or me. Because you drafted the question, there is a principle in the law of interpretation of writings which holds that writings are to be strictly construed against the author. Since you were the author of that most stupid, ill-crafted question, I can only infer that you meant you when you said "i." Therefore, I'll give you my answer, you dimwitted non-writer: No, you are not ok. You are a fool. And you might want to look at a work on grammar, where you'll learn that the easiest way to clear up the ambiguity, should you want me to ask myself that question, rather than what you said, which is that you wanted me to ask that question about you, is to add quotation marks at the beginning and end of the question. You might alwo want to capitalize the "am" and the "i," both of which would also reduce the possibility of misinterpretation. But you are not a Writer, just a rydure, or however you'd choose to spell it, so I don't expect that level of verbal sophistication from you.
      Come to think of it, sir, you remind me of the narrator in the opening paragraphs of William Faulkner's "The Sound and the Fury." Check it out, Benjy Compson. Here's the link since I doubt you'd be able to read the book, you idiot. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Sound_and_the_Fury

      All best,

      The Wise Old Soulful and Acutely Sentient Writer

      Delete
  11. I am an anonymous internet poster. Attacking my personal attributes or perceived lack of writing ability reflects on you more than me. Are you able to understand that?

    Do not attack others.

    Resist the urge to scream "I know you are but what am I?"

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Dear Idiot Anonymous (March 6, 2012 5:40 p.m.),
      I am a Writer, son. I write what I write.

      I am a Man, mah' boy. I am what I am.

      Get a life, sucker.

      All best,

      The Writer who writes what he writes and who is who he is

      Delete
  12. Nothing to see here, folks! Keep it moving, keep it moving...

    ReplyDelete
  13. Dear Anonymous (March 6, 2012 at 5:59 p.m.),
    Nice try, idiot. Ha-ha-ha. Sorry to have to be the one to break it to you, but you DON'T have a future in comedy writing.

    All best,

    The Funny Man

    ReplyDelete
  14. If you are going to criticize me for not capitalizing an I, and feign confusion (I hope) over reflexive pronouns, please do pay more attention to your grammar and syntax.

    "The Writer who writes what he writes and who is who he is"

    What did you mean to say there, old sport?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Dear Anonymous Young Whipper Snapper (March 6, 2012 at 6:07 p.m.),
      You really are an insecure chap, old sport.
      Be that as it may, your problem is not with my grammar and syntax in the funny moniker in my sign-off, but my meaning, as you later clarify. The moniker is perfectly and conventionally grammatical and has perfect syntax.
      The meaning is clear, also, except to an idiot. Don't you get it, yet, Master Log Head? I don't give a flying fuck what you think of me or my writing. That's why I said that I am a Writer who writes what I write. And, echoing the Jewish bible (Old Testament) verse, which is probably also beyond your IQ and educational level, I said that I am a person who is what I am, again, without regard to what dumbos like you would like me to be. Capiche?
      Hey, I was and am a student of philosophy. A trial lawyer for almost 36 years. I used to argue lightweights like you under the table before lunch, and then make some real money before juries in the afternoon. So maybe you'd just be better off giving it up and going back to your child pornography, your friends, your family, and your exciting life. Or not. I don't give a flying fuck what you do. But you do amuse me.

      All best,

      Thus Spake the Philosopher, Zarathrustra

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